Soldiers, Soldiers Everywhere

June 17, 2007

It has been a fun week here. Everyone has their own perceptions of the armed forces… rednecks, grunts, meatheads, giant putzes or people that really just believe in freedom. We just had 3 ships, carrying 2,300 soldiers, come into port on their way back home. It has been an eye-opening experience meeting these guys. First, these are the horniest people I have ever come across. I thought I’d met some horndogs in my day, but these guys take the cake. (Reason: The ships are about 95% guys and 5% women and are deployed for about 6-9 months at a time.) Let me note that I have a ton of respect for the soldiers. After hearing their stories, I see the armed forces in a new light, but that doesn’t change the fact that they walk around half-staff all the time.

In Camp A, we have 4 guys and 9 girls. That’s 9 pieces of eye candy for the soldiers and 4 obstacles to overcome. Funny thing is, they love talking to the guys. Every day this weekend, we’d walk back to our dorms, and soldiers would invite us over to chat and have a beer. They’re very generous when it comes to alcohol, probably because they’re already shitfaced by the time we get there (anywhere between 8 am and 10 pm).

Yesterday, I met Hodges. Hodges is a “fucking redneck from Kentucky” in his own words. Probably one of the most interesting soldiers I’ve met yet. He is a grunt, the lowest paid position in the military, and he loves it. He told me stories from Jordan, where he was just deployed, but he also made sure to add in some personal info:

Hodges: “So, you’re a fucking civilian, huh?”
Me: “Yeah. I’m a college student doing a program on base.”
Hodges: “Man, what I would give to be a civilian. You know we fight and put ourselves in dangerous situations so that you can get shitfaced and fuck back home.”
Me: “I do know that, and on behalf of drunken college students everywhere, we appreciate what you do. Thanks for letting us get drunk.”
Hodges: “Man, if I was a civilian, you know what I’d do? First thing is to pierce these (points to his nipples.) Pierced nipples are the fucking shit.”

Right then, my friend Kelley comes over to see what’s up.

Hodges: “Hey, where are you from beautiful?”
Kelley: (Rolling her eyes) “I’m from San Francisco.”
Hodges: “Oh, you mean Queer Town. (Laughs to himself and starts some incoherent mumbling about dildos as Kelley walks away.)”

This is the kind of stuff I get to experience. Some other great quotes…

In a bar, a Marine asks me what my heritage is since I’m already pretty tan. I tell him French, Russian, Austrian, Belgian and Polish. He goes, “Wow, you’re a mutt. I’m a mutt, too. I’m a McWop.” (In case you don’t get it, those are two extremely derogatory terms for the Irish and Italians.)

Walking back to the dorms with 3 of the girls, a Marine calls out, “Hey, you guys want free alcohol? Who the fuck passes up free alcohol? Bring your eye candy with you…”

Simple and to the point. A Marine tells me, “The Army is full of faggots. If you like taking it up the ass and want a G.I. Bill, then join the army. If you like pussy and fighting, then join the Marines.” I think I found their new slogan.

Well, it’s Father’s Day, so we have a brunch in the galley with Surf and Turf and some other great stuff, so I gotta go. Hope everyone is doing well. Happy Father’s Day to those that didn’t wrap up… especially you, Dad!


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