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A Mohel and his Meat

March 29, 2008

While visiting Massachusetts, I went with my friend, Bagel, to his weekly meeting with a local Rabbi. Bagel meets with the Rabbi to learn about the laws of Judaism, and I was fortunate enough to come in on a discussion of Kosher Laws.

kosher kitty
A recent photo of the Rabbi

Everyone always asks me why Jews keep Kosher and if I’ve ever eaten bacon.
1. Jews keep Kosher because of laws set in place centuries ago to prevent illness due to the consumption of certain types of food, such as pork, shellfish, etc. (Plus, pigs are like superheroes to us…)
2. Yes, believe it or not, I’ve eaten bacon, ham, cheeseburgers, shrimp, lobster and anything else that blatantly breaks the Kosher laws. (You don’t have to keep Kosher to be considered a good Jew. Besides, we have the FDA now.)

Circle U

So the Rabbi is teaching us about the Kosher laws, enlightening us on laws regarding the preparation of meat and reasoning for not being able to eat pork, shellfish and, yes, even human flesh. (That’s right, despite his delicious Plasma Noodle Soup with Matzah Ball recipe, Jeffrey Dahmer would not be considered Kosher.)

As I’m learning about these laws, I feel compelled to ask the Rabbi a question. I interrupt his explanation to say, “Excuse me, Rabbi. This is a random question, but I’ve been meaning to ask someone in your profession for a long time.”

Rabbi: “What is it you want to know?”
Me: “Well, here’s what I don’t understand. When I was younger, my cousin had his circumcision. My brother was his godfather and had to hold him while the Mohel did his things with the scissors.”
Rabbi: “Yes?”
Me: “Well, my brother’s holding my cousin, the mohel snips his tip and five minutes later, the entire family is eating a fresh tray of cold cuts. What’s the deal with this “snip-tip, eat-meat” tradition or can you at least tell me what goes best on a Kaiser roll with onion and tomato?”

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