A Lesson in Tipping

April 4, 2008

Today I had the most awkward tipping experience of my life. Instead of following in my footsteps (since I’m an archetypical role model), learn from my mistakes as a dumbass and avoid these moves.

Out at Breakfast with my friend Bagel, I wanted to pay for our breakfast to thank him for putting me up in his house.

Mistake #1: Failure to look at the bill
* In my haste to be such a thankful friend, I totally didn’t look at the bill, instead pulling out my wallet and pushing his hand away like the total assclown I am.

Mistake #2: Forgetting Credit Card
*It was about this time I realized I didn’t have my credit card or license on me. So I now have my wallet out, insisting I pay for the meal, but I have no frigging idea how I’m going to actually pay for it. Meanwhile, the waitress is standing there awaiting payment since I told her I had it covered.


Mistake #3: Grabbing any dollar bill available
* The meal was only $9.50, and because I have the luck of a protester in Tiananmen Square, I pulled out a $10 bill. Think about the repercussions of that one…

After I awkwardly place the money in the waitresses hand, I look at Bagel and smile (the whole time cycling through contingency plans for how I’ll tip this girl.) When she returns, she has this really odd look on her face. She holds out her hand and asks, “Uh… did you want… the $0.50 back?”

Now, I feel like a total asshole. Fortunately, while she was busy figuring out the change, I managed to scrape up $1, a quarter and 4 pennies. What’s that? I sound like a cheapass? Well, do your math, putzy. $1.79 is over a 15% tip. So maybe I was a little too trigger happy in pulling out my wallet, but consider me the Norman Frigging Rockefeller of breakfast tipping.


One comment

  1. Good Blog. I will continue reading it in the future. Nice layout too.

    Aaron Wakling

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