Posts Tagged ‘Italy’


A Little Bit of Home

September 2, 2007

I like Italy a lot. The countryside is beautiful, there’s tons to do here, but it’s pretty hard to get around when you’re by yourself and can only say Bongiorno, Ciao and Grazi.

Luckily, I had my friend, Zach, invite me to stay with him on the Naples Naval Base. It was nice to be surrounded by Americans for a little while. If you haven’t been to Europe, it’s not that they necessarily hate us, it’s just that they can identify us very easily, and they look for ways to screw us most of the time. That’s why it was a relief to be with Zach and his friends for a few days.

They all showed me a good time. Partying, watching movies, going to bars… Zach even took a couple of us out for my first authentic Italian meal. It was damn good, too. The only thing I didn’t understand was why they brought out the entrees first, then the appetizers, then the bread. It was a little fuckucked, but damn was it good!

I think my favorite part of the trip was meeting all of Zach’s friends. Whiskey was a total pimp. The guy could tell a girl she smelled like shit and looked even worse, and she’d probably leave the bar with him. Jerry, despite the fact that he’s a fucking Yankees fan, humored me by listening to my stories (and he didn’t kick my ass for being a Red Sox fan, which was a huge plus). Pat bought a breathalizer in hopes of actually breaking it with his BAC. Pat and Zach made a $40 bet that Pat couldn’t break .42… I almost shit myself when he told us he made it to .46 and got in a fight with the elevator the night before.

Naples was a pretty sweet time overall. I only hope the rest of my trip goes as well…


10 Random Thoughts from Italy

September 1, 2007

1. There is way too much Jesus art. What I wouldn’t do for a portrait of Moses.
2. Most Italian women are beautiful until they smile.
3. Michelangelo’s David has a penis the size of my leg.
4. For being such a holy place, the Vatican sells shit every 10 meters. (And people think Jews are bad?)
5. Lactose intolerance and large amounts of pizza make for an interesting trip.
6. All Italian guys must get batwings like a mofo with this humidity.
7. I feel like I’m in New Delhi with all the Indians (dot not feather)
8. Americans are missing out on the bidet craze.
9. I have never paid to use a bathroom, and I would rather piss myself than spend a Euro.
10. Always remember to validate your train tickets or you get pumped up the butt hard with fines, get into broken English fights with the conductor and end up in the middle of Bumfuck Tuscany.