10 Random Thoughts from Italy

1. There is way too much Jesus art. What I wouldn’t do for a portrait of Moses.
2. Most Italian women are beautiful until they smile.
3. Michelangelo’s David has a penis the size of my leg.
4. For being such a holy place, the Vatican sells shit every 10 meters. (And people think Jews are bad?)
5. Lactose intolerance and large amounts of pizza make for an interesting trip.
6. All Italian guys must get batwings like a mofo with this humidity.
7. I feel like I’m in New Delhi with all the Indians (dot not feather)
8. Americans are missing out on the bidet craze.
9. I have never paid to use a bathroom, and I would rather piss myself than spend a Euro.
10. Always remember to validate your train tickets or you get pumped up the butt hard with fines, get into broken English fights with the conductor and end up in the middle of Bumfuck Tuscany.